I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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