I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize