you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
