I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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