Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
