no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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