Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
