Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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