So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
