The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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