when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
