Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
