You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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