know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
