just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
