so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
