so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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