its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
