She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
