So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Watching her eat just hurts me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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