i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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