it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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