I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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