WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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