He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
