just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
