What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
