Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
