Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
