drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
