Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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