So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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