I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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