That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
