So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
