Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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