yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
