And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
