Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
