I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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