he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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