If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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