I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This baby is an asshole
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize