so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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