How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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