i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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