I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
