its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
third nipple confirmed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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