Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
