I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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