you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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