he thought i was a dude.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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