I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
