i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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