addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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