you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
