Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
