You smell like stripper and shame
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
