you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
