His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
