Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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