I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
