It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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