She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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