Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
