THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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