Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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