thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
