my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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