Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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