I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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