Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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