I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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